tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post283694044096595744..comments2023-03-03T06:00:48.456-08:00Comments on Posthumus Writings: Teaser TuesdayJ.F. Posthumushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17033765098660171013noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-82999456055775821082009-06-23T17:39:27.545-07:002009-06-23T17:39:27.545-07:00Yep: I agree with what everyone else has already s...Yep: I agree with what everyone else has already said. You're very strong in your worldbuilding, and you've got something quite interesting going on here, but the amount of description and comtemplation happening in this passage interferes with your pacing. Trust your reader: part of the fun (and the hook) of reading fantasy is letting the imagination fill in some strategic blanks.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-21344690846148461132009-06-23T11:09:43.221-07:002009-06-23T11:09:43.221-07:00Great world-building. I agree with what others hav...Great world-building. I agree with what others have said. Less description and more action.Rose Presseyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15838717160840786213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-422861246159756262009-06-23T10:46:37.482-07:002009-06-23T10:46:37.482-07:00I agree with what everyone is saying, and also wha...I agree with what everyone is saying, and also what I really want in one of your teasers if for something to happen! We get lots of discussions of feelings and motivations and things that happened in the past, but we aren't getting a great deal of action. I think this genre relies pretty heavily on the action, correct?Gretchenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09327185025020171674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-81867408822780573222009-06-23T10:08:15.789-07:002009-06-23T10:08:15.789-07:00"...bite and run". :) Agree with the o..."...bite and run". :) Agree with the others, though. The description and thinking time take away a bit from your flow--and you do have all that rich world-building I want to see in action. Get out that edit pen, sistah! You can do it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-13689495971284455772009-06-23T07:41:09.348-07:002009-06-23T07:41:09.348-07:00This is great. Your world building is incredible a...This is great. Your world building is incredible and it sounds like Akiela is a very popular girl ;-) Keep up the good work!S.H.https://www.blogger.com/profile/18285987152225186177noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-22881666195041512812009-06-23T06:25:31.410-07:002009-06-23T06:25:31.410-07:00You have a great imagination. I'm hopeless at ...You have a great imagination. I'm hopeless at creating totally new worlds.<br />I agree with Ink about your descriptions. I think if you can toss out the thesaurus you will find your writing will flow a lot better. You have the plot and the world, you just need to prune the descriptions a little.<br />Keep going!sue laybournhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14549268075528924978noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-33386175671628401002009-06-23T06:10:48.191-07:002009-06-23T06:10:48.191-07:00Wow, you've got a very rich world here, and a ...Wow, you've got a very rich world here, and a layered plot to go with it. I'm very curious about how it all fits together and what's going to happen.<br /><br />Do beware when Gardev is thinking about Akiela - some of the description borders on overkill (e.g. calling her beautiful and sultry).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com