tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post3928033115892527870..comments2023-03-03T06:00:48.456-08:00Comments on Posthumus Writings: The Weekend and Teaser TuesdayJ.F. Posthumushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17033765098660171013noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-32590601347097647992009-08-19T05:36:21.983-07:002009-08-19T05:36:21.983-07:00I really like the first few lines with the contras...I really like the first few lines with the contrast you set up. Makes things very interesting and raises a lot of good questions. The writing really flows here. My only nit is the same as Steve's - the description of her height in feet/inches threw me. Otherwise, I thought this was great. Love your worldbuilding as always!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-847051097360531522009-08-18T18:34:59.248-07:002009-08-18T18:34:59.248-07:00You're very good at world-building and setting...You're very good at world-building and setting up a story.<br />I agree with Kari, your writing here is definitely tighter.<br />I'm interested to know how this develops.sue laybournhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14549268075528924978noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-35477294384853735052009-08-18T16:12:33.372-07:002009-08-18T16:12:33.372-07:00I really like the first two lines. This juxtaposi...I really like the first two lines. This juxtaposition of a light-dedicated temple in a dark city is intriguing. I also like the idea that the upper echelon in the church is corrupt, and I have to wonder why they would go to all the trouble of keeping up this "pure" front. What's their game?<br /><br />This writing is tighter than your past selections. Good job!K.A. Stewarthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00926336938605410096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-10993202130026928472009-08-18T12:14:20.603-07:002009-08-18T12:14:20.603-07:00Your writing is much more streamlined here than in...Your writing is much more streamlined here than in other things I've read. A very good thing. You need to watch out for repetition though. In the very first paragraph we get "dedicated," "dedication" and "dedicated" (again) in successive sentences.Gretchenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09327185025020171674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-26288463851245096732009-08-18T09:46:07.863-07:002009-08-18T09:46:07.863-07:00Good introduction. I like the world you've est...Good introduction. I like the world you've established. I'd change one thing though, your description of Shyndra's height. You have this new world, but then you say she 5'3" tall which seems out of place. Perhaps you can invent a measuring system (yeah, I know it's not easy :D) or compare her to a something short that is unique to this world.Steven Corderohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05891598188156163954noreply@blogger.com