tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post6772782927091809348..comments2023-03-03T06:00:48.456-08:00Comments on Posthumus Writings: Banshee's DaughterJ.F. Posthumushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17033765098660171013noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-4145503458360037802009-10-15T06:55:29.648-07:002009-10-15T06:55:29.648-07:00I was captivated by this teaser. One of your best ...I was captivated by this teaser. One of your best so far, in my humble opinion.Ed Wrighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10818810116811838708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-7409856906236435692009-10-13T17:27:49.395-07:002009-10-13T17:27:49.395-07:00Thanks!!! I went through and edited out the info-...Thanks!!! I went through and edited out the info-dumpiness. I should be able to add a lot of it in later. :D (at least I know what my strong-suit is: world-building! lol)<br /><br />And yeah, I've gotten more written, but it's in the same style as this (just not as info-dumpy, I hope). I'll post more next week... if anyone wants to read as I go, just Rep me @ AW. <br /><br />There's gonna be a lot of new spins on old fey, not just the Baba Yaga and banshee/bean sidhe. And the science buffs are soooo gonna hate my explanation about WHY the Smokeys are called the Smokeys. :DJ.F. Posthumushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17033765098660171013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-17139668459611029972009-10-13T17:10:38.263-07:002009-10-13T17:10:38.263-07:00Yup, Gretchen nailed my thoughts about the info-du...Yup, Gretchen nailed my thoughts about the info-dumpiness getting in the way, but you've got some clever worldbuilding in here - as usual! It sounds like you're off to a good start, should be a fun story. I love Baba Yaga so I'm totally curious about your spin on her!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-62391537333433556762009-10-13T16:15:07.269-07:002009-10-13T16:15:07.269-07:00Jy - you already got my comments in e-mail last we...Jy - you already got my comments in e-mail last week. I really like the story so far. Have you gotten any more written?Jennifer Walkuphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15441887850464334900noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-53039584972610462352009-10-13T11:30:36.773-07:002009-10-13T11:30:36.773-07:00I liked this scene. I woould love to see more. D...I liked this scene. I woould love to see more. Dragons are my fave!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-60806403795097729932009-10-13T11:22:37.971-07:002009-10-13T11:22:37.971-07:00Thanks, Gretchen!
Drats... foiled again by that...Thanks, Gretchen! <br /><br />Drats... foiled again by that darned info-dump/show not tell demon. There SHALL be a day where I slay that demon and not have to worry about it again!J.F. Posthumushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17033765098660171013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-36761777860320201592009-10-13T10:38:14.315-07:002009-10-13T10:38:14.315-07:00There's some fun stuff in here, like the last ...There's some fun stuff in here, like the last line. You need to watch some of the repetitions, like in this first line: <br /><br />"Arms bent slightly and crossed at the wrists, Iliana bent backwards a few inches"<br /><br />"Bent" twice and really close together. Takes the reader right out of the scene.<br /><br />Also, I feel like the pace could be a lot faster for what's happening here. You're getting caught up dropping bits of info (like explaining what Braesil is - a bog ole Tell) and it's detracting from the narrative scene.Gretchenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09327185025020171674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-47991383732485282022009-10-13T09:51:48.837-07:002009-10-13T09:51:48.837-07:00Are you having fun with this one? I like "fe...Are you having fun with this one? I like "fear coiling like serpents in her stomach." :)Debra Drizahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15750912933889904216noreply@blogger.com