tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post7274816144872507768..comments2023-03-03T06:00:48.456-08:00Comments on Posthumus Writings: Teaser Tuesday - Gardev's IntroJ.F. Posthumushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17033765098660171013noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-46867798053550131012009-06-09T18:31:58.147-07:002009-06-09T18:31:58.147-07:00A fun read.
He hoped it had been decent rum. N...A fun read. <br /><br />He hoped it had been decent rum. Nice.<br /><br />Two notes: Shrugging the possibilities...a bit awkward of a sentence.<br /><br />And I think "praying" should be "preying". <br /><br />Also, a bit long for a teaser - had to skim at the end. Mainly because time is so short and so many teasers to get to. Good work! TrickywooAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-12632992183825296852009-06-09T14:20:27.843-07:002009-06-09T14:20:27.843-07:00thanks, everyone!!
I think some of this is ment...thanks, everyone!! <br /><br />I think some of this is mentioned later, so I can toss a bit of it out. I'll go back over it again and whittle it down to size. :) Glad you're enjoying it, though! :D I'm having a blast writing it!<br /><br />I'll try your tip, Courtney! thanks!!!J.F. Posthumushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17033765098660171013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-19648574803056120322009-06-09T13:33:49.699-07:002009-06-09T13:33:49.699-07:00I agree with the others about the backstory. Take ...I agree with the others about the backstory. Take out some of the info and the action would be great.Rose Presseyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15838717160840786213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-49780961433802320182009-06-09T13:27:33.211-07:002009-06-09T13:27:33.211-07:00Yep, this has the makings of a very cool story, an...Yep, this has the makings of a very cool story, and I do love your use of detail - that alcohol could alter the taste of blood is something that'd never occurred to me! - but again, just too many words. Resist the urge to explain! Just follow the action and you'll be surprised at how much explains itself.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06589125418574916299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-13761189478670991192009-06-09T12:52:15.692-07:002009-06-09T12:52:15.692-07:00You've got a really good way with words, but a...You've got a really good way with words, but again your passage is very info dumpy. It's hard hard how to figure out how to spread it out, but keep practicing. Once you've got it, you'll realize that less really is more.<br /><br />What you've got is "too much exposition at the expense of the plot" (directly quoting what an agent said about my first book) and all you need to do is spread it out. A sentence here, a sentence there. To start, try having an info paragraph of no longer than five sentences, then have something happen. Try that every few pages and see if it helps. It took me a long time to get rid of this habit, but I'm so glad I worked hard at it!Courtney Allison Moultonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18385987970902585442noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8216070446312403551.post-14901654162891559952009-06-09T11:52:39.990-07:002009-06-09T11:52:39.990-07:00My personal preference as a reader is for signific...My personal preference as a reader is for significantly less backstory and info dumping, which to me is about half of this excerpt. The story is really getting lost and I found myself scanning these long paragraphs in search of the plot strain.Gretchenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09327185025020171674noreply@blogger.com