J.F. Posthumus

J.F. Posthumus

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Virginia, United States
A computer tech and artist that thrives on writing fantasy to escape the harshness of reality.
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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Returning Dante

Well, this is after they escape the crazed docelfar witch and her minions and Iliana calls her mom to come get them. And before you ask, no, this is NOT going to be a romance.

I highly doubt I'll be "winning" NaNo this year, but oh well.  I refuse to push myself in writing when I've been doing that for the past year.  Besides, being sick then having kids that feel icky and visiting family on the weekends is more fun and more important than writing, in my opinion. :)

anywhos, enjoy!


As the pair opened the doors and Ceara led Perry into the rangers' station, Iliana turned in the seat to face Dante.  "Ready to go visit your dad?"
"Not even close to ready," grumbled Dante.  "It's going to be an hour of lecturing me on how careless I was, why he's surprised this hasn't happened before..."
"Poor thing," Iliana cooed.  "I'm sure he'll still give you ice cream and cookies."  Snatching his hand, she gave him a wicked grin and spoke a phrase in Welsh, the language she preferred.  It was so sing-songy and fun to speak.
Reappearing in the front yard of the bauchen's home, Iliana brushed a stray strand of hair from her face, and smiled sweetly at Dante.  "Don't make me drag you in there."
"Perhaps I like a woman who takes charge- as long as she doesn't torture me with spells, later."  Dante said, and the grin on his face was unmistakably sly. 
Was he flirting with her?
"Bah," Iliana scoffed, waving a hand dismissively at him.  "I have no interest in you, Lord Dante.  I want nothing to do with Braesil or the nobles there."
Shoving him towards the door, she stepped around him and strode up the rickety steps.  The sooner this was over, the better.  He was starting to get under her skin, and not in the bad way, either!
Dante started forward, walking towards his father's place.  "You do know that a lack of interest in our money or position makes you more attractive, not less?"
"You just don't give up, do you?"  Iliana snapped over her shoulders as she knocked on the door.  "I am not interested in you!"
Dante tapped the tip of his nose. 
"Never lie about attraction to someone with a hobgoblin's sense of smell, lovely one.  Your scent gives you away.  It's mild, but it is there."
"Oh, fine.  You're handsome and can be charming, but that doesn't mean I'd want to date you," Iliana retorted, rolling her eyes.  "If there were chocolate around, you'd discover I have an unhealthy love for it."
"So I should approach you, nude, covered in melted chocolate?"  Dante chirped as he opened the door.  "That's good to know!"  He smiled at her and then stepped inside.
Face burning, Iliana glowered at the young lord as she followed him inside.  "I would prefer you not approach me after this," she muttered.  "I fear to think what your father would say if he heard you speaking like this to me."
Dante did not reply; he walked quickly down the hallway leading to his father's office.  He called out loudly.
"Father!  I am here!  I love the hunter you sent after me- may I spend a month being her love slave?  Or do we have enough in the coffers to hire her to be mine for a week?"
"For that, the price of returning you just doubled," Iliana grumbled as she folded her arms across her chest, clenching her hands into fists.  She still wore her gun and it was so tempting to reach for it.
She followed him at a calm pace, picturing a round bull's eye in the center of his back.  It would figure he'd wait until he was out of her mother's sight to begin declaring an interest in her.  Or perhaps this was his way of seeking revenge for returning him so soon to his hobgoblin father?
The old man emerged from the office.  He hurried toward Dante, and Iliana thought that father was going to embrace son like something out of a bad cable movie.  There was a blink-and-miss-it hug from the old criminal, and then he began looking Dante over.
"You're not harmed in any permanent manner?"
"Nothing that wasn't already permanently wrong with me, before the witch grabbed me."  Dante replied, and this bit of dry humor also seemed to be lost on the parent.
The mobster parent nodded, patted his son's left bicep, and ambled back into the office.  Dante looked back and smiled at her.
"Please be aware that I'd expect to pay at least a million for that week." He said softly, and Iliana repressed a shudder- not in revulsion, but in response to realizing he was serious; he considered her worthy of such a price, even in jest.
"I don't sell myself out to the highest bidder, your lordship," Iliana murmured, passing by him.  She still had to discuss payment with the hobgoblin, then she needed to leave.  The sooner, the better and before she agreed to a date with this lord's son. 
"I'm not bidding."  Dante's voice rang of sincerity.  "I'm negotiating for a once-in-a thousand-lifetimes experience.  Which I am certain you are, Iliana."
The hobgoblin don re-emerged from the office at that moment, carrying a briefcase.  He passed by Dante and approached her.
The briefcase was turned dexterously in the older hobgoblin's hands and opened so she could see the contents.  There were thick stacks of hundred dollar bills and five hundred dollar bills. 

"In my joy of having my son returned in such good condition, I have forgotten our original agreed-upon price."  The old criminal smiled benevolently.  "This is five hundred thousand.  Large bills, yes, but all legit.  Will this do?"


  1. Good dialogue here. I especially like the 'woman who takes charge but doesn't sue her spells on me later.' That line made me chuckle. You have some good relationships building here.

  2. I meant use, not sue. I should proofread before I post. Oops.:)

  3. lol, I've done the same. I HATE the fact you can't edit your posts on these things. ah well...

    thanks! I'm so glad the humor is coming across so well! this is so different from what I normally write and adding humor into just about everything has been a lot of fun. :) Now... if I can keep it going throughout the ENTIRE novel, I'll be doing great! lol

  4. I thought the dialogue was fun, too. Your female characters never take any smack! :)

  5. This is a really good exchange! I like the ending. What happens next >.< I wannna know!

    :) good job!

  6. "as long as she doesn't torture me with spells later" --hahahahah! That line made me giggle!

  7. Great wit in the dialogue as usual! Well done.

  8. Two things that really distracted me in this sequence were the abundance of exclamation marks and the variety of dialogue tags. I like the occasional creative tag but when there are so many in a short amount of space it really pulls me from the story by making me think about the mechanics of the writing. I don't think you need either of these gimmicks. The dialogue itself should show what you are attempted to tell with both.