J.F. Posthumus

J.F. Posthumus

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Virginia, United States
A computer tech and artist that thrives on writing fantasy to escape the harshness of reality.
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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Weekend and Teaser Tuesday

Ok, first off, I had a wonderful time over the weekened. My parents had the kids again and that left me free to go to Richmond with my beloved sans kids. I walked around Short Pump windowshopping for about two hours and loved the exercise (I admit it!) while Mark went to a micro-bachelor's party for a friend. We went to Maggiano's together (as always, service was excellent and the food just can NOT be surpassed by any other restaurant...) before leaving for home. I then got to go to a mutual friend's house (Ed's is one of Mark's best friends...) and game there... Ok, well... it was more me, Ed, and another friend of Mark's and Ed's annoying the DM (dungeon master) by going off on our own tangents, lol. I then stayed to watch the UFC (UCF?) games on ShowTime. lol, it was actually fun, which I attribute to the company more than the show. Well, here's what I've been playing with as a way to keep sane. We finally got our query letter together and done, so we're testing the waters with it to see how it goes.... Keeping with tradition, we've recieved a rejection already. Shyndra is a character I play during game nights (AD&D, btw). We've got the cast of main characters already, but we're still toying with the plot. In the meantime, I'm playing around with her introduction. :) **** There was something to be said about a temple dedicated to Dridean, god of light and knowledge, in a city where crime and filth abounded. It showed a dedication to a belief and stubbornness to not let the darkness overshadow everything. Or so the dedicated followers believed. It was a challenge for the clerics to cajole their followers into changing their way for the 'greater good', to coerce them from their evil ways and step into Dridean's ever-knowing 'light'. In reality, the High Priest and many other temple clerics were simply using it as a method to fill their personal pockets and, for the High Priest, a means to enjoy the brothels only a few buildings away from the temple. It was why Shyndra, in her usual black priestess robes, was now traversing the hallways in search of the High Priest. Head bowed, hood pulled low over her brow, she kept her arms folded at waist level. Her hands were tucked into the opposing sleeves, well hidden from view. Though she had not grown up as a religious zealot like many in her family, she knew the basic layouts of the temples of the various deities. Only Dynisseik's devout followers changed every hallway and room from temple to temple, making traversing them nearly impossible without a map. One of the reasons Shyndra claimed herself as a follower of the goddess of lies and deception. Nearing the High Priest's private sanctuary, the door opened and she ducked into the shadows of an alcove. As he stood in the doorframe adjusting his robes and belt, Shyndra studied the man dispassionately. An inch or so taller than her petite five-foot three-inch frame, he had white hair circling a balding head. Pale blue listless eyes made her question if he used one of the many remedies sold amongst the fares in the bazaar. It would certainly explain his renowned erratic behavior and his violent temper. Not to mention the glaze that covered his eyes. His face was smooth, with wrinkles around his mouth and eyes. The High Priest turned and strode down the hallway towards a heavy wooden door. Shyndra groaned silently, her shoulders dropping as she heaved a sigh. Why the bathroom? Nothing good ever happened when it came to her, a contract, and a bathroom.


  1. Good introduction. I like the world you've established. I'd change one thing though, your description of Shyndra's height. You have this new world, but then you say she 5'3" tall which seems out of place. Perhaps you can invent a measuring system (yeah, I know it's not easy :D) or compare her to a something short that is unique to this world.

  2. Your writing is much more streamlined here than in other things I've read. A very good thing. You need to watch out for repetition though. In the very first paragraph we get "dedicated," "dedication" and "dedicated" (again) in successive sentences.

  3. I really like the first two lines. This juxtaposition of a light-dedicated temple in a dark city is intriguing. I also like the idea that the upper echelon in the church is corrupt, and I have to wonder why they would go to all the trouble of keeping up this "pure" front. What's their game?

    This writing is tighter than your past selections. Good job!

  4. You're very good at world-building and setting up a story.
    I agree with Kari, your writing here is definitely tighter.
    I'm interested to know how this develops.

  5. I really like the first few lines with the contrast you set up. Makes things very interesting and raises a lot of good questions. The writing really flows here. My only nit is the same as Steve's - the description of her height in feet/inches threw me. Otherwise, I thought this was great. Love your worldbuilding as always!