J.F. Posthumus

J.F. Posthumus

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Virginia, United States
A computer tech and artist that thrives on writing fantasy to escape the harshness of reality.
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Monday, June 22, 2009

Teaser Tuesday

I'm thinking this might be the last I post of the current WIP. Don't want to give away too much, after all. Anywhos, another scene with Gardev, this time with Giada.
Three hours later, Gardev stood in the reception area of Warlord Vittore Giada’s office. He stood stoically, wanting nothing more than to bite and run, but that certainly wasn’t about to happen. Not when he was required to hand the warlord Akiela’s report and answer whatever questions Giada had for him. Akiela, he reminisced, was a beautiful, sultry woman with more secrets than an alchemist. The warm blood that flowed through her veins and reddened her lush, full lips would make any man desire to feast from them. There was a softness hidden beneath that world-weary, hardened pale-turquoise gaze of hers that enticed and teased. Ilario was smitten with her, it was obvious in the way the merchant looked at her and spoke her name. He might have cared for Tiziana, but Gardev suspected Ilario was falling for his copper-haired spy. That wouldn’t have worried him, had it not been for the fact Akiela had heightened senses no mortal could possess. She wasn’t one of the undead or a dhampir, nor was she a Therian. She didn’t resemble the diwaryns he had known in his lifetime. They had mostly been dark-haired, dark-eyed with athletic builds and were anything but reclusive, secretive spies. Nay, they had been hardened warriors, almost from the day of their birth. He contemplated what else she might be as he studied the map that covered the entire wall. Half-gods were known to possess the same traits she claimed. As did half-demons and half-jinni. If she were either of those, she could, indeed, be a valuable asset. Yes, he mused as he waited, she must be the offspring of a jinni and a human. That would certainly explain her unusual eyes and hair, as well as her peculiar traits. His lips curved into a smile. Ilario could certainly benefit from courting her. Fresh blood was always welcomed amongst the clans. The door to Giada’s inner, private sanctum, more commonly referred to as ‘his office’ opened, breaking into Gardev’s thoughts. Turning to face the secretary, he discovered the warlord himself standing in the doorway, a brooding expression filling Giada’s features. “Gardev Akaash,” the warlord said without preamble, which in Gardev’s experiences was never a good sign. “I should have known Ilario would have sent you. I presume you have kept your fangs out of Akiela’s neck?” “As well as her wrist,” Gardev replied evenly. “I’m surprised you aren’t concerned about her being alone with Ilario.” “Vedette has a reputation for being a gentleman. You have a reputation-” Gardev broke into Giada’s sentence, finishing it for him, “-for being a womanizer who enjoys their sweet blood; yes, I know. I worked hard to obtain that reputation. It is much preferable to that of ‘cold-hearted and blood-thirsty vampire’, don’t you think?” “Barely,” Giada growled, stepping back into his office and gesturing for Gardev to enter. “Where’s the report?” Gardev flashed his fangs in a wide smile knowing it would annoy Giada as he stepped into the warlord’s office. As tempting as it was to bite into Giada’s neck and tear out his artery while feasting upon his finely aged blood, he knew it would never happen. Urshad needed the hard-hearted warlord and killing him, no matter how appetizing it might seem, would only cause more damage than it would solve. The dark growl that followed him as he continued to the warlord’s desk could have matched Ilario at his worse. Gardev would have found that amusing, had it not been for the fact the warlord had bested him not once, but twice in the not-so-distant past. He didn’t wish to attempt a third battle with the man. Especially not when Ilario needed him and there was much work to be done if they were to prevent the Consortium from overtaking the Protectors and wrecking havoc on all Urshad.


  1. Wow, you've got a very rich world here, and a layered plot to go with it. I'm very curious about how it all fits together and what's going to happen.

    Do beware when Gardev is thinking about Akiela - some of the description borders on overkill (e.g. calling her beautiful and sultry).

  2. You have a great imagination. I'm hopeless at creating totally new worlds.
    I agree with Ink about your descriptions. I think if you can toss out the thesaurus you will find your writing will flow a lot better. You have the plot and the world, you just need to prune the descriptions a little.
    Keep going!

  3. This is great. Your world building is incredible and it sounds like Akiela is a very popular girl ;-) Keep up the good work!

  4. "...bite and run". :) Agree with the others, though. The description and thinking time take away a bit from your flow--and you do have all that rich world-building I want to see in action. Get out that edit pen, sistah! You can do it.

  5. I agree with what everyone is saying, and also what I really want in one of your teasers if for something to happen! We get lots of discussions of feelings and motivations and things that happened in the past, but we aren't getting a great deal of action. I think this genre relies pretty heavily on the action, correct?

  6. Great world-building. I agree with what others have said. Less description and more action.

  7. Yep: I agree with what everyone else has already said. You're very strong in your worldbuilding, and you've got something quite interesting going on here, but the amount of description and comtemplation happening in this passage interferes with your pacing. Trust your reader: part of the fun (and the hook) of reading fantasy is letting the imagination fill in some strategic blanks.